Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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