You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
