okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
