she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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