how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
