my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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