My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
