I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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