he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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