I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
