Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
