It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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