i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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