i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So much rum. So many feels.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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