I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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