Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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