Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mom said you looked used
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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