Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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