Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
