so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
