i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
