And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
