I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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