is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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