ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
