I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I want is dick and wine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
