at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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