even my farts smell like vagina
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
