I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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