whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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