just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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