Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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