I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize