Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
