Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
