last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
