never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
