I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still dying that you shit outside
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
