Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
