is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They took my balls.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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