I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
