It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
