hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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