1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
