I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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