Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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