go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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