who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
