I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
