So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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