god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
