I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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