...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
