OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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