I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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