as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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