Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
