I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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