I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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