she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
