My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
