She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
