Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can Purell be used as lube?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
