I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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