I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
