the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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