once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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