the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sacagawea was the original milf.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
