The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
