this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
