pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
