just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
