after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
