Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
