she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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