so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
