I love black thongs
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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