But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
