he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
