Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i dont even know how to be here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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