and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But break dance skills will only take you so far
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
