I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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