Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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