Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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