I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
one might say we're banned from that church
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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