Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
