he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
