Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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