I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
