If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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