i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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