The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
