I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
