My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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