she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
