HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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