I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Come on in and take your pants off
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