why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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